THE AFTERLIFE
I'll forever be jealous of the dead, for they are the only ones who truly know what awaits us after our inevitable transformation. I do not know for certain what happens after death, as nobody does. I can only speculate from the research I have done and the conclusions I have personally come to through spiritual revelations. It's always been fascinating to me how diverse the view of this topic is and how personal each individual's view is, it is usually always formed through meaningful intimate experiences with the spiritual realm. For me, there are three paths I have come to believe we may follow after the death of our physical form. All pertain to the theory of eternal life/existence, though not in the way it is commonly concieved of where form is eternal.
One is reincarnation. After we pass our soul / spirit is detached from the material, is partially lifted from the physical/terrestial into the celestial, and remains in a holding pattern within total universal essence until we reintergrate back into the physical/terrestial realm. The soul is in a constant state of learning, and will continue to be placed here in every point in time, in every lived experience until it has reached ultimate understanding of The Absolute. The soul does not have one fixed personality, it cycles through each body and lifetime taking on different expressions. Matter never disappears, it always changes forms. The same amount will always exist, just dispersed differently. The soul and mind are made of energy, and energy cannot be destroyed. It changes from one form to another.
The second path that I believe one could follow is a transformation to a different plane of existence altogether, the human form being a singular and temporary incarnation of random or chosen influence. Imagine layers of reality, once the soul is detached from form it is shot through a unseeable radiance of light, alike to a tunnel of pure Sun. It transcends to other unseen transphysical/dimensional planes above and away from the one concievable. This allows for the soul to gain free reign to the fullest extent of the universe and creation with access to all other fragments of soul that have passed through and all events 'past, present and future' along the Space-Time / Energy-Matter spiral continuum. Unlimited knowledge. This is what I guess is commonly called the Akashic Records. This possibilty would also entail a permanent and total reconnection with Source. This one is a little more imaginative.
The third path that I believe one could follow is a complete reintergration with the Universe/Source without a following incarnation. What I mean by this is, as we are inherently cosmic and created by circumstances within the Universe, once we transform in death our spirit is brought 'back home' essentially, and becomes one with all in it's entirety. Each personality is animated by essence, each performing a separate expression of Source itself. We lose our individual awareness and ego permanently, but gain the awareness of Source and return to our true form, which is formless and dispersed, and may be used in future incarnations or manifestaions. We never regain any kind of otherworldy consciousness or feeling, but our energy/soul becomes permanently reintegrated into the spiral and used for whichever purpose the Universe happens to impose hereafter.
Anything is possible, and not everything has to make complete sense scientifically. We still do not understand the true nature of our reality, especially what is unseen and unproven. There is still the possibilty that nothing happens, we are thrown into the abyss and simply dissolve into nothing at all. It is a bleak view but still a possibility. Or we are thrown into hellfire / heaven depending on your religious ideals. But the above is what I am personally inclined to believe in more. Death or transcendence in all theories I also believe not to be a dream-state, it is more alike to a dreamless-sleep state. There are no stereotypical 'euphoric feelings', only in some cases when you initially leave the body. I believe death is just a release, being freed. It is not a feeling, it is a non-physical state. As you detach from the body, you are no longer tied to ego and therefore no longer tied to any unreal physical human emotion, as you are no longer confined to the physical. Just a pure release from a body, an impermanent fraction of the story of this strange place we find ourselves residing. If the theory of eternality happens not to be our fate, the bodies left behind will still become reintergrated with the earth at some point. Therefore, we all will inevitably feed the earth and in turn, the universe in an eternal cycle.
FEAR OF DEATH
**under construction**
The fear of death is not simply a human construct. It is felt by all earthly animals, even the tiniest insects. We all have the instinct to survive, but perhaps this particular instinct, inbuilt or instilled, is ultimately the cruelest of all, and the most distinct particularly in behaviour markers of human beings. Death is inevitable, unavoidable and often it is painful. Our conditioning directs us to avoid it, yet our form is predestined to fall apart and die with age. We try to resist it with medicine, medical intervention, treatments of all kinds, stripping a being of all dignity before finally letting them drift away. This often prolongs suffering to a horrific degree in pursuit of a falsified eternal life, and medical professionals are praised for 'saving them' while they mutilate and defile the form much worse than death ever could. It is a terrible contradiction and often bestows even more suffering after the fact upon the ones who actually are dying, and who actually desire to die. We make up stories to tell ourselves, to quieten the thought that may become a spiralling existential crisis. We huff copium but we never face it, like if we ever were to we might actually die ourselves. I do believe this conception can be revised, as least in the minds of the common human being.
Though we are no better than animals, we certainly have the ability to fully contemplate these topics. Therefore, we have the potential to deal with this reality alot better than an animal. The root of the fear of death manifests from fear of the unknown, of the uncontrollable. Often people who think this way have control complexes in their everyday lives, believing they can control everything outside of themselves, and everything that they seemingly can't control they tend to stay far away from. This common way of thinking only produces more suffering not only for the controller, but for the environment that is controlled. Death appears in each of our lives in many forms, not only in death of flesh. Moments die, day and night die interchangably, seasons die, songs come to an end and thus die, but because they are outside of ourselves we do not necessarily fear the death of these, perhaps only a vague sadness sometimes that it is over. Sadness at the death of these things is understandble, but also somewhat nonsensical. Moments come and go throughout our lives, and memories are there to compensate. Day and night is continuous. Seasons are continuous. There will be another song to listen to. And this is the way we should be thinking about our own deaths.
LOVE
Love is everything. Love is more important than anything material. Love makes life worth living. Love gives purpose and direction. If we were unable to feel love, life would become even more meaningless than it is now. I believe soulmates exist, but not in the way it is commonly thought of, where there is one person made purely for another. We are victims of circumstance, and many people die alone. There are desirable traits in everyone you meet in life, but no one person has everything you want and need, that you truly mesh perfectly with. There are rough edges in every existing being, and that is what life inflicts on everyone. It is okay to clash. A soulmate is someone you can build with. Someone who accepts you for who you are, who encourages you to improve and to follow your soul, who you have a decent amount of things in common with. Someone who you can melt into, that you can take your mask off around. Maintaining love does take work, after all it is a constant responsibility and dedication of yourself to another person. This applies to a lifelong lover, as well as close family members and friends. It isn't a chore or detriment, but the most important and most beautiful aspect of consiousness. Love is incredibly crucial to life, it is how we procreate and the cause in which we unite. Love prevails among all circumstances, it is what pulls you through to the other side of darkness over and over again. Every soul will be touched by love, and the infection will forever spread until humanity ceases. Even then, the contamination continues to permeate, and the universe creates it all over again in a variety of ways throughout itself. Everything that makes up reality is created with two forces which clash and balance eachother out. Man always indirectly imitates his surroundings. Love is inherent within us.
THE MEANING OF LIFE
I still haven't fully conceptualized my own interpretation of the meaning of life. I feel like it's not enough to just claim the positive experiences we get out of life make up the meaning. I don't entirely believe our existence was created by pure chance, but I also don't believe it was intentional either. The event of our own individual existence is one in a trillion either way, and that is still valuable. Being able to live, breathe, love, listen to music, learn about and explore the world we are in is still a wonderful experienced to be had. But I do not think it is worth sticking one meaning on life itself (i.e anything that produces happiness), because that's just not how I believe it's meant to be interpreted. It is meant to be valued for what it is and the experiences it can give to us, both positive and negative. Feeling fear, anxiety, pain or discomfort in general is obviously not pleasant, and every other conscious being can feel it too, it is not unique to us. But it is still a feeling, it is still worth experiencing and is better than to feel nothing at all. Perhaps the meaning is to experience and learn from said experiences, nothing more. Living to work is not meaning at all. Besides doing what you need to do to survive and following personal passions, working should not be a main priority for a person's entire life. Do not live to work and over-consume. Live to experience conciousness and all that it brings with it. Humanity is seemingly unable to escape the montonous routine of work eat sleep, and that is one of the driving factors in which society will inevitably become more and more jaded as the years grow. The meaning of life to me is to be conscious, to fully experience everything you encounter no matter if it is good or bad, to dedicate yourself to the development and cultivation of who you are. To live until you no longer need to.
SUICIDE
If one believes their life is to be ended by their own hand, they should be allowed to follow through with that. If someone is living a life in which they cannot bare any longer, and they do not wish to accept help from others or to put effort toward possibly improving their own life, let them find release. Feeling so much pain to the point of wanting to self-immolate very much outweighs any kind of positive experience a person could have, and it is cruel to allow someone to live for longer than they desire. You see a dying animal on the side of the desolate highway, you attempt to help it. The wound has become too cavernous and rotten to survive and it is too far from help, and you allow it to die peacefully. Emotional wounds are just as fatal as physical wounds, and can often result in the same level of pain. Forcing an animal to live through the pain of a fatal wound is inhumane, and is beyond your control as death will soon succumb it either way. You provide it love, care and a safe place for it in the final moments to gracefully dissolve into the fatal grasp it's already in. Of course it hurts for someone close to you to die, especially by their own hand, but it is their life and therefore their choice in what will happen. You can always get them help, or they could seek it out themselves, but it is entirely up to the individual to accept or pursue that. If they are fully aware of what will happen afterward, who the action will effect, what they are losing in the persuit of death and are not detached from reality completely, then let people do what they please with their brief existence. Even if it may hurt the people around them. Self interest is the main drive in the action of human beings, and if the discomfort of an existence unwanted outweights all possible pleasure or hope, that instinct will prevail. Be assured that they will as a result be at greater peace by falling into the arms of eternity, after a lifetime of great discomfort and pain. And death is not the end. Life is painful, life is difficult, life is unfair. Being a human being is exhausting. If one feels misplaced, in pain or unhappy in their body, one must be allowed to have the option to leave. I will always stand by that. No one asks to be alive. No one asks to suffer.
I will add that, if anyone you know is in grasp of suicidal ideation or mental health struggles, please consistently check on them. Be there to comfort them. Always be sure to let them know how much they are valued and loved. Attempt to make plans with them, something for them to look forward to. Tell them of things you encounter that remind you of them. Simple words of genuine meaning always makes a world of difference. Love cannot always save, but love will always lessen pain. We must all try to lessen eachothers pain while we are here. If you yourself are struggling, please try to seek the help that you need (this doesn't always mean medication and mental health services, as they can be quite useless and careless, but more in a sense of finding someone to confide in and a place where you can be cared for, to be lifted of the burdens of life for a while). Life is worth living through the whole journey, despite it's cruelty. There is so much more to this life than what they say there is. Seek the people who you love and who love you, the people who align with your truest self. You are not a burden. If you have no one you feel you can confide in, or you simply just need a friend, you are welcome to message me through any of the platforms I've listed through-out this website. This life often feels cold, lonely and confusing, so traversing it alone can feel incredibly isolating and frustrating, especially if you are someone who is very perceptive and sensitive to it. You do not have to fight through it all on your own. There is always hope for you, and your fate is never fixed. There is so much more for you here beyond the depths of the pain you have felt. There is so much more here for people like us. You only have to seek it, reach out and reach far, and soon it will come to you. You have much more to learn and to see, hold out as much as you can bare. Each day is a temporary experience, each feeling is temporary before it falls back into the background of thought, but the decision cannot be taken back. Please fully examine your situation before making any final calls abd you may find that your answer does not lie with expediting death.
TECHNOLOGY
Yes, I'm about to go all Ted Kazcynski on you (RIP). Technology has been an active participant in many aspects of the degradation of society. In this statement, I not only include the internet as a whole but also the technologies we use to oppress and control our overall environment.
It's delusional to ignore the environmental impact technology has. Almost every single aspect is creating greenhouse gas emissions and total destruction to the natural world. Day by day Mother Earth is gored, losing parts of herself from deforestation and is slowly rotting away in persuit of governmental control and company profit.
The online world creates a bubble of reality unlike the one we live in. People often delude themselves into thinking they are better than or more important than others based on the validation they recieve. There are others who worsen the divide in society by having meaningless arguments about inane things, refuse a middle ground, never acknowledging nuance. The disconnect from reality and general retardation really shows within people on any side of the political scale. This is very emphasized online.
The problem of total reliance on technology as a society increases as we continue to shop online, replace physical media for digital media (of course the mass production of physical media is also a problem, but digitalizing everything is one way to lose mass amounts of data, be unable to own the media that we pay for and contributes to our carbon footprints), put our money into banks / pay for all of our items via smartphone, pay for subscriptions for addictive online entertainment, move work and schooling into digital environments, and bestowing any other task we could possibly do physically to some other mode of technology, inturn directly harming our independence. I just wonder how we will adapt if any facet or all of it happened to stop working one day, after we've digitized most forms of interaction and societal function.
In general, technology has worsened the quality of all of our interpersonal relationships. This not only includes the unfortunately horrific state of online dating apps, but also the disconnect of inner community as a whole. Most conversations and interactions with friends, partners and family are all often filtered through technology / social media. This is a cause for miscommunication, the devaluing of genuinely meaningful interactions, growing self-centeredness and anti-social behaviours among others. It is increasingly difficult to socialize in general, everyone is slowly losing their abilities due to years of social media dependence.
Technology also adds to environmental decay through excessive production and consumerism, as I previously mentioned, online shopping. The advent of being able to shop for absolutely everything online, being constantly promoted different products and having ceaseless access to anything a human being could possibly want (but often never need), results in willpower being defeated and money being wasted. This obviously leads to the over-consumption of unneeded products, the over-production of unneeded products and an easily attained addiction to the dopamine release that follows. I have been guilty of this in the past. Buying and producing excess of what we don't truly need (and will often eventually throw out within a year), will in turn absolutely destroy the planet, as it evidently already has. Allowing ourselves to be force-fed advertisements and exchanging money for a quick dopamine fix keeps up this supply / demand system, all secretly produced by slave labour in foreign countries (which makes this fact easier to ignore, because trends and superficial appearances are apparently more important). We pay for blood-soaked commodities and litter the planet with the remains.
I pray that society will soon realise the future implications of total reliance on technology, and majority of it's usage will be ceased in the ways that matter, so we can be given a second chance to be freed from the fate of our own inventions. There was once a time (around the 90's - early 00's) where we used technology healthily and appropriately, where we used it only when we needed it and had separate devices for each intention, where we weren't so fatally binded to it as we are now. Our subconscious disconnect to the world and it's inhabitants is the fault of technology and our intense need for control and power through using it. The more control we have gained, the further we have distanced ourselves from our outer reality / environment and refocused our aim upon placing ourselves above it superficially, all in vain. Technology that is created outside of ourselves is a holographic reflection of ourselves. Electrical pulses, wires connecting everything, visualization, memory, processor, power supply. We should be developing technology in a way that continues to reflect us, not fantasies of ‘something greater’ when we clearly cannot live up to that unnatural standard ourselves. Destroy everything that is not obsolete.
"how to stop being terminally online" | "design for an entrance to the internet;" | dark patterns | "going dark: the beauty of text"
FREEDOM
There is no true freedom under the society we are living in today. Unless you're able to live a life away from modern society with others who want the same lifestyle (don't isolate yourself as you will most likely not survive, have you heard of Chris Mccandless?), it is almost impossible. To me, Freedom is alot of things. Freedom is the ability to live a life and death which is your own. Freedom is the ability to completely or at least partially disconnect yourself from technology. Freedom is complete emotional detachment from possessions and money. Freedom is self-reliance and community-reliance, having the option of being unassociated with all forms of government, being able to have faith in ourselves as a collective. Most of these things are achievable through choice and discipline, but it is still incredibly difficult to achieve total freedom to the fullest extent unless there are others willing to achieve it with you. The only other options to escape the iron cage of this world for brief moments is through meditation, lucid dreaming or death. Being a slave to a world that doesn't care for the environment we live in or the people that live within it doesn't feel like a lifelong option for me, unless there is some kind of revolution. Which I frankly believe is unlikely because most people, despite hating capitalism, love consumerism, and most people do not like to feel exposed or unsafe, even though being exposed and unsafe is exactly what life is. The cycle continues. We are living completely out of sync with nature and it is making it increasingly difficult to live in the way nature intended, which would entail the complete and utter freedom of the human race. We are enslaving ourselves.
It is possible to achieve a kind of internal freedom, through enlightenment and full awareness of the reality of the world and in turn, living a life in which you decide would best rebel against it in pursuit of your own comfort in an attempt to live with society. There would still be, in a sense, an imprisonment within society, but having the inner knowledge and following your soul may lead you to achieving an imprisonment that is less torturous while being incarnated.
FATE
Fate is real but a shifting aspect of reality. We are entirely in control of our own fates. Each person has a multitude of possible fates, as there are multiple possibilities free to be realized in the endless void. No being is destined to a certain specific fate. Fate is not static and unchanging, it is a result built up of multiple choices mixed in with cosmic circumstances that predate our birth and defy our control.
Despite these circumstances, we are alive, active creators and witnesses. Those who believe they are destined to a set of pre-determined choices, as if they are not conscious, present or living in a fluid world, do not understand the nature of reality. If you think you know your fate, you do not and you cannot. No one does until their physical death since you cannot know the future, you only know the past through vague memory and the past cannot perfectly predict the future. A path can be shifted dramatically at any time through a multitude of possible events, this is the result of both chaos theory and the butterfly effect. Life is chaos, no matter how desperately one tries to avoid the unknown, it stares each of us right in the face. Fate is a guide to action, action is a guide to fate. Fate is individual and each individual is his fate.
SPIRITUALITY
Spirituality is not just crystals, herbs, materialistic possessions of supposed spiritual importance, manifesting self-indulgence*, faking positivity and having the Universe bring you everything you want. Viewing spirituality as a whole in this way only causes further attachment to impermanence, encourages the chase for unattainable ecstasy and fleeting exhilaration, it does not fully encompass what spirituality really entails. Which will only lead to a dead end. Materialism and selfishness is not spiritual. This is often referred to as spiritual bypassing.
“Spiritual bypassing is a tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds and unfinished developmental tasks.”
In my experience, the most fulfilling view of spirituality involves the following: 1. The baseline philosophy of non-duality, 2. Illuminating all facets of existence & the shadow of reality / the self instead of avoiding it, then being able to see reflections of yourself within that reality including it’s darkness, 3. Seeking answers from inside and through learning from others and eternal experiences, not through consumerism (divination can be done with practically anything), 4. Observing and being with nature, 5. Detachment requiring surrender and trust to flow, but not avoidance. Through this, enlightenment can be attained for brief moments. Enlightenment has never been an end goal to be reached, but a perspective to be frequently tapped into. For example, a moment in which we see ourselves reflected in another human being in an unflattering light, instead of castigating them for what we cannot accept in ourselves. That singularity on the event horizon in which we find profound understanding and realization, is what would be defined as an enlightened perspective that is attained. Another example is of detachment; when we seek control over an environment or object / anything external to us, but take a moment to realise it's impermanence and the inevitablity of change among the constant flow of reality. These little changes of direction in thought, using the mind to facilitate deeper understanding results in a feeling of wholeness and oneness with the continuum instead of resistance, along with everything that resides within it. Dark and light makes grey, and everything is grey floating together down the spiral of existence.
Spiritual psychosis is something I have fallen into the pit of many times, it can and will have disastrous effects on the psyche and life and is incredibly dangerous to get caught up in. Angel/message numbers and synchronicities have followed me around thoughout my life. When a major synchronicity pops into my sight, I will always read into it. Maybe a little too deeply, I might admit. I believe that there will always be somebody trying to communicate with you, and death, separation or departure will never deter them. Paying attention to these things can be greatly beneficial and allows us to receive support and guidance from loved ones past and previous, as we journey through the abyss. However, there is a point where obsession and attachment to these signs can become detrimental and damaging. Always try to come at these things with a somewhat rational viewpoint, and have a solid basis of thought from which to take action or progress (making a list of personal meanings, paying attention to circumstances). When something aligns that is obvious to you, it is more than likely intentional. Forcing what is not there (or confusing it with what you desire to be there) will lead to resistance and confusion. It's not pleasant to feel stuck, lost and misdirected. Be and let be. What will come to you comes gracefully and suddenly, and if you are meant to receive it, you will never miss it.
We are born to see patterns of information in reality, we learn to seek consensus reality in alignment with society's perception. When we go outside of what is considered "consensus reality" in thought or experience, we are taught to believe what we experience or think isn't real or valid. When we are taught that these things are not real because they extend outside of the current perception of consensus reality, they will not be seen or taken seriously by society as a whole, thereby ignored. This doesn't mean that these perceptions are neccessarily not real, just that they are not well understood or verified by reductionist science. None of these things really can be, sometimes things just cannot be explained rationally, existence is irrational in its essence. Spirituality is a recognition of patterns. Light and dark, fractals of information, patterns in numbers, patterns in form, patterns in life that infer connections in human reality and far beyond. If we write off spirituality based on the selfishness and ignorance of the few, or the ignorance of patterns that do not fit in the box we have created for ourselves, how can we ever hope to evolve while remaining inside that box, never venturing toward those untested horizons? Spirituality brings us closer to the true recognition of interconnectedness, of the realisation of our place in this profound totality, in recognising all of the patterns that show that we are not displaced beings, but a "thicker" expression of the matrix. Able to see, touch, smell, hear, taste, breathe, love, think and create. Reflections and refractions of form and energy, inside and out.
*(planetary magnetics influence manifestation more than anything, and it is more concerned with societal change as a whole rather than personal attainment.
manifestation often occurs outside of personal influence.)*
I'll forever be jealous of the dead, for they are the only ones who truly know what awaits us after our inevitable transformation. I do not know for certain what happens after death, as nobody does. I can only speculate from the research I have done and the conclusions I have personally come to through spiritual revelations. It's always been fascinating to me how diverse the view of this topic is and how personal each individual's view is, it is usually always formed through meaningful intimate experiences with the spiritual realm. For me, there are three paths I have come to believe we may follow after the death of our physical form. All pertain to the theory of eternal life/existence, though not in the way it is commonly concieved of where form is eternal.
One is reincarnation. After we pass our soul / spirit is detached from the material, is partially lifted from the physical/terrestial into the celestial, and remains in a holding pattern within total universal essence until we reintergrate back into the physical/terrestial realm. The soul is in a constant state of learning, and will continue to be placed here in every point in time, in every lived experience until it has reached ultimate understanding of The Absolute. The soul does not have one fixed personality, it cycles through each body and lifetime taking on different expressions. Matter never disappears, it always changes forms. The same amount will always exist, just dispersed differently. The soul and mind are made of energy, and energy cannot be destroyed. It changes from one form to another.
The second path that I believe one could follow is a transformation to a different plane of existence altogether, the human form being a singular and temporary incarnation of random or chosen influence. Imagine layers of reality, once the soul is detached from form it is shot through a unseeable radiance of light, alike to a tunnel of pure Sun. It transcends to other unseen transphysical/dimensional planes above and away from the one concievable. This allows for the soul to gain free reign to the fullest extent of the universe and creation with access to all other fragments of soul that have passed through and all events 'past, present and future' along the Space-Time / Energy-Matter spiral continuum. Unlimited knowledge. This is what I guess is commonly called the Akashic Records. This possibilty would also entail a permanent and total reconnection with Source. This one is a little more imaginative.
The third path that I believe one could follow is a complete reintergration with the Universe/Source without a following incarnation. What I mean by this is, as we are inherently cosmic and created by circumstances within the Universe, once we transform in death our spirit is brought 'back home' essentially, and becomes one with all in it's entirety. Each personality is animated by essence, each performing a separate expression of Source itself. We lose our individual awareness and ego permanently, but gain the awareness of Source and return to our true form, which is formless and dispersed, and may be used in future incarnations or manifestaions. We never regain any kind of otherworldy consciousness or feeling, but our energy/soul becomes permanently reintegrated into the spiral and used for whichever purpose the Universe happens to impose hereafter.
Anything is possible, and not everything has to make complete sense scientifically. We still do not understand the true nature of our reality, especially what is unseen and unproven. There is still the possibilty that nothing happens, we are thrown into the abyss and simply dissolve into nothing at all. It is a bleak view but still a possibility. Or we are thrown into hellfire / heaven depending on your religious ideals. But the above is what I am personally inclined to believe in more. Death or transcendence in all theories I also believe not to be a dream-state, it is more alike to a dreamless-sleep state. There are no stereotypical 'euphoric feelings', only in some cases when you initially leave the body. I believe death is just a release, being freed. It is not a feeling, it is a non-physical state. As you detach from the body, you are no longer tied to ego and therefore no longer tied to any unreal physical human emotion, as you are no longer confined to the physical. Just a pure release from a body, an impermanent fraction of the story of this strange place we find ourselves residing. If the theory of eternality happens not to be our fate, the bodies left behind will still become reintergrated with the earth at some point. Therefore, we all will inevitably feed the earth and in turn, the universe in an eternal cycle.
FEAR OF DEATH
**under construction**
The fear of death is not simply a human construct. It is felt by all earthly animals, even the tiniest insects. We all have the instinct to survive, but perhaps this particular instinct, inbuilt or instilled, is ultimately the cruelest of all, and the most distinct particularly in behaviour markers of human beings. Death is inevitable, unavoidable and often it is painful. Our conditioning directs us to avoid it, yet our form is predestined to fall apart and die with age. We try to resist it with medicine, medical intervention, treatments of all kinds, stripping a being of all dignity before finally letting them drift away. This often prolongs suffering to a horrific degree in pursuit of a falsified eternal life, and medical professionals are praised for 'saving them' while they mutilate and defile the form much worse than death ever could. It is a terrible contradiction and often bestows even more suffering after the fact upon the ones who actually are dying, and who actually desire to die. We make up stories to tell ourselves, to quieten the thought that may become a spiralling existential crisis. We huff copium but we never face it, like if we ever were to we might actually die ourselves. I do believe this conception can be revised, as least in the minds of the common human being.
Though we are no better than animals, we certainly have the ability to fully contemplate these topics. Therefore, we have the potential to deal with this reality alot better than an animal. The root of the fear of death manifests from fear of the unknown, of the uncontrollable. Often people who think this way have control complexes in their everyday lives, believing they can control everything outside of themselves, and everything that they seemingly can't control they tend to stay far away from. This common way of thinking only produces more suffering not only for the controller, but for the environment that is controlled. Death appears in each of our lives in many forms, not only in death of flesh. Moments die, day and night die interchangably, seasons die, songs come to an end and thus die, but because they are outside of ourselves we do not necessarily fear the death of these, perhaps only a vague sadness sometimes that it is over. Sadness at the death of these things is understandble, but also somewhat nonsensical. Moments come and go throughout our lives, and memories are there to compensate. Day and night is continuous. Seasons are continuous. There will be another song to listen to. And this is the way we should be thinking about our own deaths.
LOVE
Love is everything. Love is more important than anything material. Love makes life worth living. Love gives purpose and direction. If we were unable to feel love, life would become even more meaningless than it is now. I believe soulmates exist, but not in the way it is commonly thought of, where there is one person made purely for another. We are victims of circumstance, and many people die alone. There are desirable traits in everyone you meet in life, but no one person has everything you want and need, that you truly mesh perfectly with. There are rough edges in every existing being, and that is what life inflicts on everyone. It is okay to clash. A soulmate is someone you can build with. Someone who accepts you for who you are, who encourages you to improve and to follow your soul, who you have a decent amount of things in common with. Someone who you can melt into, that you can take your mask off around. Maintaining love does take work, after all it is a constant responsibility and dedication of yourself to another person. This applies to a lifelong lover, as well as close family members and friends. It isn't a chore or detriment, but the most important and most beautiful aspect of consiousness. Love is incredibly crucial to life, it is how we procreate and the cause in which we unite. Love prevails among all circumstances, it is what pulls you through to the other side of darkness over and over again. Every soul will be touched by love, and the infection will forever spread until humanity ceases. Even then, the contamination continues to permeate, and the universe creates it all over again in a variety of ways throughout itself. Everything that makes up reality is created with two forces which clash and balance eachother out. Man always indirectly imitates his surroundings. Love is inherent within us.
THE MEANING OF LIFE
I still haven't fully conceptualized my own interpretation of the meaning of life. I feel like it's not enough to just claim the positive experiences we get out of life make up the meaning. I don't entirely believe our existence was created by pure chance, but I also don't believe it was intentional either. The event of our own individual existence is one in a trillion either way, and that is still valuable. Being able to live, breathe, love, listen to music, learn about and explore the world we are in is still a wonderful experienced to be had. But I do not think it is worth sticking one meaning on life itself (i.e anything that produces happiness), because that's just not how I believe it's meant to be interpreted. It is meant to be valued for what it is and the experiences it can give to us, both positive and negative. Feeling fear, anxiety, pain or discomfort in general is obviously not pleasant, and every other conscious being can feel it too, it is not unique to us. But it is still a feeling, it is still worth experiencing and is better than to feel nothing at all. Perhaps the meaning is to experience and learn from said experiences, nothing more. Living to work is not meaning at all. Besides doing what you need to do to survive and following personal passions, working should not be a main priority for a person's entire life. Do not live to work and over-consume. Live to experience conciousness and all that it brings with it. Humanity is seemingly unable to escape the montonous routine of work eat sleep, and that is one of the driving factors in which society will inevitably become more and more jaded as the years grow. The meaning of life to me is to be conscious, to fully experience everything you encounter no matter if it is good or bad, to dedicate yourself to the development and cultivation of who you are. To live until you no longer need to.
SUICIDE
If one believes their life is to be ended by their own hand, they should be allowed to follow through with that. If someone is living a life in which they cannot bare any longer, and they do not wish to accept help from others or to put effort toward possibly improving their own life, let them find release. Feeling so much pain to the point of wanting to self-immolate very much outweighs any kind of positive experience a person could have, and it is cruel to allow someone to live for longer than they desire. You see a dying animal on the side of the desolate highway, you attempt to help it. The wound has become too cavernous and rotten to survive and it is too far from help, and you allow it to die peacefully. Emotional wounds are just as fatal as physical wounds, and can often result in the same level of pain. Forcing an animal to live through the pain of a fatal wound is inhumane, and is beyond your control as death will soon succumb it either way. You provide it love, care and a safe place for it in the final moments to gracefully dissolve into the fatal grasp it's already in. Of course it hurts for someone close to you to die, especially by their own hand, but it is their life and therefore their choice in what will happen. You can always get them help, or they could seek it out themselves, but it is entirely up to the individual to accept or pursue that. If they are fully aware of what will happen afterward, who the action will effect, what they are losing in the persuit of death and are not detached from reality completely, then let people do what they please with their brief existence. Even if it may hurt the people around them. Self interest is the main drive in the action of human beings, and if the discomfort of an existence unwanted outweights all possible pleasure or hope, that instinct will prevail. Be assured that they will as a result be at greater peace by falling into the arms of eternity, after a lifetime of great discomfort and pain. And death is not the end. Life is painful, life is difficult, life is unfair. Being a human being is exhausting. If one feels misplaced, in pain or unhappy in their body, one must be allowed to have the option to leave. I will always stand by that. No one asks to be alive. No one asks to suffer.
I will add that, if anyone you know is in grasp of suicidal ideation or mental health struggles, please consistently check on them. Be there to comfort them. Always be sure to let them know how much they are valued and loved. Attempt to make plans with them, something for them to look forward to. Tell them of things you encounter that remind you of them. Simple words of genuine meaning always makes a world of difference. Love cannot always save, but love will always lessen pain. We must all try to lessen eachothers pain while we are here. If you yourself are struggling, please try to seek the help that you need (this doesn't always mean medication and mental health services, as they can be quite useless and careless, but more in a sense of finding someone to confide in and a place where you can be cared for, to be lifted of the burdens of life for a while). Life is worth living through the whole journey, despite it's cruelty. There is so much more to this life than what they say there is. Seek the people who you love and who love you, the people who align with your truest self. You are not a burden. If you have no one you feel you can confide in, or you simply just need a friend, you are welcome to message me through any of the platforms I've listed through-out this website. This life often feels cold, lonely and confusing, so traversing it alone can feel incredibly isolating and frustrating, especially if you are someone who is very perceptive and sensitive to it. You do not have to fight through it all on your own. There is always hope for you, and your fate is never fixed. There is so much more for you here beyond the depths of the pain you have felt. There is so much more here for people like us. You only have to seek it, reach out and reach far, and soon it will come to you. You have much more to learn and to see, hold out as much as you can bare. Each day is a temporary experience, each feeling is temporary before it falls back into the background of thought, but the decision cannot be taken back. Please fully examine your situation before making any final calls abd you may find that your answer does not lie with expediting death.
TECHNOLOGY
Yes, I'm about to go all Ted Kazcynski on you (RIP). Technology has been an active participant in many aspects of the degradation of society. In this statement, I not only include the internet as a whole but also the technologies we use to oppress and control our overall environment.
It's delusional to ignore the environmental impact technology has. Almost every single aspect is creating greenhouse gas emissions and total destruction to the natural world. Day by day Mother Earth is gored, losing parts of herself from deforestation and is slowly rotting away in persuit of governmental control and company profit.
The online world creates a bubble of reality unlike the one we live in. People often delude themselves into thinking they are better than or more important than others based on the validation they recieve. There are others who worsen the divide in society by having meaningless arguments about inane things, refuse a middle ground, never acknowledging nuance. The disconnect from reality and general retardation really shows within people on any side of the political scale. This is very emphasized online.
The problem of total reliance on technology as a society increases as we continue to shop online, replace physical media for digital media (of course the mass production of physical media is also a problem, but digitalizing everything is one way to lose mass amounts of data, be unable to own the media that we pay for and contributes to our carbon footprints), put our money into banks / pay for all of our items via smartphone, pay for subscriptions for addictive online entertainment, move work and schooling into digital environments, and bestowing any other task we could possibly do physically to some other mode of technology, inturn directly harming our independence. I just wonder how we will adapt if any facet or all of it happened to stop working one day, after we've digitized most forms of interaction and societal function.
In general, technology has worsened the quality of all of our interpersonal relationships. This not only includes the unfortunately horrific state of online dating apps, but also the disconnect of inner community as a whole. Most conversations and interactions with friends, partners and family are all often filtered through technology / social media. This is a cause for miscommunication, the devaluing of genuinely meaningful interactions, growing self-centeredness and anti-social behaviours among others. It is increasingly difficult to socialize in general, everyone is slowly losing their abilities due to years of social media dependence.
Technology also adds to environmental decay through excessive production and consumerism, as I previously mentioned, online shopping. The advent of being able to shop for absolutely everything online, being constantly promoted different products and having ceaseless access to anything a human being could possibly want (but often never need), results in willpower being defeated and money being wasted. This obviously leads to the over-consumption of unneeded products, the over-production of unneeded products and an easily attained addiction to the dopamine release that follows. I have been guilty of this in the past. Buying and producing excess of what we don't truly need (and will often eventually throw out within a year), will in turn absolutely destroy the planet, as it evidently already has. Allowing ourselves to be force-fed advertisements and exchanging money for a quick dopamine fix keeps up this supply / demand system, all secretly produced by slave labour in foreign countries (which makes this fact easier to ignore, because trends and superficial appearances are apparently more important). We pay for blood-soaked commodities and litter the planet with the remains.
I pray that society will soon realise the future implications of total reliance on technology, and majority of it's usage will be ceased in the ways that matter, so we can be given a second chance to be freed from the fate of our own inventions. There was once a time (around the 90's - early 00's) where we used technology healthily and appropriately, where we used it only when we needed it and had separate devices for each intention, where we weren't so fatally binded to it as we are now. Our subconscious disconnect to the world and it's inhabitants is the fault of technology and our intense need for control and power through using it. The more control we have gained, the further we have distanced ourselves from our outer reality / environment and refocused our aim upon placing ourselves above it superficially, all in vain. Technology that is created outside of ourselves is a holographic reflection of ourselves. Electrical pulses, wires connecting everything, visualization, memory, processor, power supply. We should be developing technology in a way that continues to reflect us, not fantasies of ‘something greater’ when we clearly cannot live up to that unnatural standard ourselves. Destroy everything that is not obsolete.
"how to stop being terminally online" | "design for an entrance to the internet;" | dark patterns | "going dark: the beauty of text"
FREEDOM
There is no true freedom under the society we are living in today. Unless you're able to live a life away from modern society with others who want the same lifestyle (don't isolate yourself as you will most likely not survive, have you heard of Chris Mccandless?), it is almost impossible. To me, Freedom is alot of things. Freedom is the ability to live a life and death which is your own. Freedom is the ability to completely or at least partially disconnect yourself from technology. Freedom is complete emotional detachment from possessions and money. Freedom is self-reliance and community-reliance, having the option of being unassociated with all forms of government, being able to have faith in ourselves as a collective. Most of these things are achievable through choice and discipline, but it is still incredibly difficult to achieve total freedom to the fullest extent unless there are others willing to achieve it with you. The only other options to escape the iron cage of this world for brief moments is through meditation, lucid dreaming or death. Being a slave to a world that doesn't care for the environment we live in or the people that live within it doesn't feel like a lifelong option for me, unless there is some kind of revolution. Which I frankly believe is unlikely because most people, despite hating capitalism, love consumerism, and most people do not like to feel exposed or unsafe, even though being exposed and unsafe is exactly what life is. The cycle continues. We are living completely out of sync with nature and it is making it increasingly difficult to live in the way nature intended, which would entail the complete and utter freedom of the human race. We are enslaving ourselves.
It is possible to achieve a kind of internal freedom, through enlightenment and full awareness of the reality of the world and in turn, living a life in which you decide would best rebel against it in pursuit of your own comfort in an attempt to live with society. There would still be, in a sense, an imprisonment within society, but having the inner knowledge and following your soul may lead you to achieving an imprisonment that is less torturous while being incarnated.
FATE
Fate is real but a shifting aspect of reality. We are entirely in control of our own fates. Each person has a multitude of possible fates, as there are multiple possibilities free to be realized in the endless void. No being is destined to a certain specific fate. Fate is not static and unchanging, it is a result built up of multiple choices mixed in with cosmic circumstances that predate our birth and defy our control.
Despite these circumstances, we are alive, active creators and witnesses. Those who believe they are destined to a set of pre-determined choices, as if they are not conscious, present or living in a fluid world, do not understand the nature of reality. If you think you know your fate, you do not and you cannot. No one does until their physical death since you cannot know the future, you only know the past through vague memory and the past cannot perfectly predict the future. A path can be shifted dramatically at any time through a multitude of possible events, this is the result of both chaos theory and the butterfly effect. Life is chaos, no matter how desperately one tries to avoid the unknown, it stares each of us right in the face. Fate is a guide to action, action is a guide to fate. Fate is individual and each individual is his fate.
SPIRITUALITY
Spirituality is not just crystals, herbs, materialistic possessions of supposed spiritual importance, manifesting self-indulgence*, faking positivity and having the Universe bring you everything you want. Viewing spirituality as a whole in this way only causes further attachment to impermanence, encourages the chase for unattainable ecstasy and fleeting exhilaration, it does not fully encompass what spirituality really entails. Which will only lead to a dead end. Materialism and selfishness is not spiritual. This is often referred to as spiritual bypassing.
“Spiritual bypassing is a tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds and unfinished developmental tasks.”
In my experience, the most fulfilling view of spirituality involves the following: 1. The baseline philosophy of non-duality, 2. Illuminating all facets of existence & the shadow of reality / the self instead of avoiding it, then being able to see reflections of yourself within that reality including it’s darkness, 3. Seeking answers from inside and through learning from others and eternal experiences, not through consumerism (divination can be done with practically anything), 4. Observing and being with nature, 5. Detachment requiring surrender and trust to flow, but not avoidance. Through this, enlightenment can be attained for brief moments. Enlightenment has never been an end goal to be reached, but a perspective to be frequently tapped into. For example, a moment in which we see ourselves reflected in another human being in an unflattering light, instead of castigating them for what we cannot accept in ourselves. That singularity on the event horizon in which we find profound understanding and realization, is what would be defined as an enlightened perspective that is attained. Another example is of detachment; when we seek control over an environment or object / anything external to us, but take a moment to realise it's impermanence and the inevitablity of change among the constant flow of reality. These little changes of direction in thought, using the mind to facilitate deeper understanding results in a feeling of wholeness and oneness with the continuum instead of resistance, along with everything that resides within it. Dark and light makes grey, and everything is grey floating together down the spiral of existence.
Spiritual psychosis is something I have fallen into the pit of many times, it can and will have disastrous effects on the psyche and life and is incredibly dangerous to get caught up in. Angel/message numbers and synchronicities have followed me around thoughout my life. When a major synchronicity pops into my sight, I will always read into it. Maybe a little too deeply, I might admit. I believe that there will always be somebody trying to communicate with you, and death, separation or departure will never deter them. Paying attention to these things can be greatly beneficial and allows us to receive support and guidance from loved ones past and previous, as we journey through the abyss. However, there is a point where obsession and attachment to these signs can become detrimental and damaging. Always try to come at these things with a somewhat rational viewpoint, and have a solid basis of thought from which to take action or progress (making a list of personal meanings, paying attention to circumstances). When something aligns that is obvious to you, it is more than likely intentional. Forcing what is not there (or confusing it with what you desire to be there) will lead to resistance and confusion. It's not pleasant to feel stuck, lost and misdirected. Be and let be. What will come to you comes gracefully and suddenly, and if you are meant to receive it, you will never miss it.
We are born to see patterns of information in reality, we learn to seek consensus reality in alignment with society's perception. When we go outside of what is considered "consensus reality" in thought or experience, we are taught to believe what we experience or think isn't real or valid. When we are taught that these things are not real because they extend outside of the current perception of consensus reality, they will not be seen or taken seriously by society as a whole, thereby ignored. This doesn't mean that these perceptions are neccessarily not real, just that they are not well understood or verified by reductionist science. None of these things really can be, sometimes things just cannot be explained rationally, existence is irrational in its essence. Spirituality is a recognition of patterns. Light and dark, fractals of information, patterns in numbers, patterns in form, patterns in life that infer connections in human reality and far beyond. If we write off spirituality based on the selfishness and ignorance of the few, or the ignorance of patterns that do not fit in the box we have created for ourselves, how can we ever hope to evolve while remaining inside that box, never venturing toward those untested horizons? Spirituality brings us closer to the true recognition of interconnectedness, of the realisation of our place in this profound totality, in recognising all of the patterns that show that we are not displaced beings, but a "thicker" expression of the matrix. Able to see, touch, smell, hear, taste, breathe, love, think and create. Reflections and refractions of form and energy, inside and out.
*(planetary magnetics influence manifestation more than anything, and it is more concerned with societal change as a whole rather than personal attainment.
manifestation often occurs outside of personal influence.)*
*BEWARE: THIS SECTION IS UNDER CONSTANT CONSTRUCTION.
I'M STILL FIGURING OUT HOW TO WORD MY TRUE THOUGHTS CORRECTLY,
MOST OF THIS WILL CHANGE AS I EDIT. ALL THOUGHTS ARE MY OWN.
